Kathryn Sandford Online

For God’s sake UNIVERSE give me a Break

I am stuck. I haven't written anything for ages and I feel like I have lost my way. I  am struggling  to write this blog - I am waiting for inspiration. For two hours I have sat here and paced the room and its not happening.  Its a horrible feeling being stuck and some of the reasons why I am stuck lie with me however certain parts of my life at the moment really SUCK. I know that I am meant to be positive and show gratitude for the good things in my life and I do and I am grateful but for god sake universe give me a break!!

Lets look at what I am grateful for right now in my Life (hopefully help me feel better)

  • Great family and my kids are fantastic
  • Great friends
  • Healthy and Fit
  • Comfortable home and life
  • Generally a positive outlook
  • A dream, goals and an action plan to achieve that dream
  • Some financial resource

So its a pretty good list however lately I feel that Life has been testing me and I just want a break. Do you ever feel like you just want a break from learning Life's Lessons? I am 54 years old I reckon I have the world figured out -  I am self aware, naturally a positive thinker, love people and great relationship builder. I am mindful of others and don't want to be around people who have negative energy. I don't abuse them but I just don't want them in my life - its too hard and I just want to hang out with people who understand me and like me for who I am - the good and not so great ME!

Lately I have been really been tested around being Generous of Spirit - in some ways I feel like the Universe (or whoever) is testing me -  to learn more life lessons! In the last 18 months I have been made redundant 3 times - this has had a huge impact on my life  - financially and emotionally. The first 2 redundancies were predicted by me and I will be writing another blog about "how to survive triple redundancies" Believe me I have some life lessons to share.

However with the 3rd redundancy I didn't see it coming and the reason why I was made redundant was solely because of  incompetent, egotistical and generally nasty decision makers in the business. One person in particular is a "Covert Bully" - a smiling assassin and has wrecked havoc on the business. With these type of people in power you as an employee are powerless in some ways and when I was made redundant there was really nothing I could do. Despite being a top performer and only in the job for 6 months I was out of there - Shit Happens! So three months go by and I am looking for work as bills have to be paid and I get a call from the new CEO asking if I can come in and help. They are in trouble delivering key services and the new person who will be taking over my job (different title) wont be starting for another 6 weeks. One part of me wants to tell them to go to Hell however reality kicks in and I like the new CEO so I say Yes.

I sit in my old office, open up my computer and nothing has been touched - emails are still there and its 3 months later - imagine the shit I had to sort out. So I get to work sort it all out and 6 weeks later (this morning) I am sitting in my office at my computer handing over to the new person all the info relating to my job. She is a great lady and its not her fault and I want to help her but boy is it hard to be Generous Of Spirit! What is the lesson I am meant to learn -  is there a lesson? Maybe we are all being sucked in to thinking that if you follow the Principles of Life - the Universe will provide. Maybe the Universe is punishing me for not liking the book The Secret?? That was one book I couldn't get into and also couldn't figure how why people loved it so?? It was just too positive for me - too wishy washy. I wanted to know how to deal with people who I have to see 5 days a week and have such bad energy that I just dont want them in my life. How do you interact with them on a daily basis, watch them play their power games and try and deflect the power of  their negativity? Nope the Secret did not offer me any tips on how to handle those situations in my life.

I was, I believe Generous in Spirit to the new person.  Even though I know I am the best the person to do  the job -  the fact of the matter is that I am not wanted. My qualities, experience, personality and passion for the job is not valued by the people who are the decision makers. I now have take a deep breath, refocus, dig deep into my inner self and go out and find work. Rejection is a given, so guess its back to having more than 1 glass of wine each night (The Secret doesn't even consider wine as a option for coping) Getting back into my Reinvention Project, write more blogs and just keep going. I am not going to figure out what the lessons are the Universe is trying to teach me - maybe shit just happens and its all about getting back on board and sucking it up???

PS Gosh I feel great after writing this -  off to have a glass of wine and watch TV!

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